Whatever happened to common sense?

Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Mr. Common Sense. Mr. Sense had been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape. He will be remembered as having cultivated such value lessons as knowing when to come in out of the rain, why the early bird gets the worm and that life isn’t always fair. Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don’t spend more than you earn) and reliable parenting strategies (adults, not kids, are in charge). His health began to rapidly deteriorate when well intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. – Reports of a six-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition. Mr. Sense declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer aspirin to a student; but, could not inform the parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion. Finally, Common Sense lost the will to live as the Ten Commandments became contraband; churches became businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their victims. Common Sense finally gave up the ghost after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot, she spilled a bit in her lap, and was awarded a huge financial settlement. Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and Trust, his wife, Discretion; his daughter, Responsibility; and his son, Reason. He is survived by two stepbrothers; My Rights and Ima Whiner. Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone. If you still remember him, pass this on; if not, join the majority and do nothing.

Unexpected Chaos

Crazy weekend this week. Friday I went to go see my old boss Chad DJ at Mr. G’s in Kenosha. There was an unexpected cover charge when we got there but the drinks were cheap so that made up for it. Plus I was there to check out Chad spin some phat beats. I met another one of my ex-colleagues Jordan there. Jordan quit ASQ and is getting his masters in a wilderness program. Jordan and I are eerily similar in many ways and we always have stuff to joke around about. He is also one of the few people in my life I am able to let loose with and talk some true geek speak. So J, Jordan, his girlfriend and fellow ASQ employee Kristen, and some other ASQ folk spent most of the night at Mr. G’s. I don’t know how to describe Mr. G’s. I could see it fitting in in the Sheboygan area but there was a weird hick ghetto folk feel to the people there. There were way too many stretchy cloths for the way to much body mass there. We were having a good time but we had to get back to Milwaukee so we headed out about midnight. J had a meeting in the morning so I went with Jordan and Kristen to the Metro. We spent the rest of the night there bitching about ASQ and trying to practice separation of work talk and weekend. Once we got off that subject we had a great time and I got to anoint some new folk into my Metro fold.

On Saturday I called Adam to see if he wanted to go to the Javon Walker Celebrity Softball Game. He and Stacy had said they planned on going so I tagged along with them. They were nice enough to pick me up some gourmet brats from the Metro Market and we went to the park and tailgated. It was a beautiful sunny day and I got pretty sunburn on my arms. We went into the game in the third but it really wasn’t anything special. It was a bunch of third string Packers playing some other no name people. All the celebrities that were supposed to come canceled. Ethan from Survivor and Tara Reid were the only real “celebrities”. So all the hype was for not. Drew Rosenhaus who is Javon Walker’s agent was allowed an at bat. This guy got booed like I have never heard someone get booed before. You know how some people get so many cheers they have to come back for an encore or a curtain call. This guy got the complete opposite of that. It was like Elton John at Harley fest. Javon Walker got his fair share of boos as well but that was really the only thing worth mentioning at the game. Someone, I’m blaming Adam, had the bright idea to go to My Office post game to have some beers. So we went there and played some Golden Tee and talked with the bartender. I left around seven and went back home. I had something to eat and drank a ton of water and we watched Jersey Girl which was surprisingly a good movie. Jocelyn wanted to go out so I went along and we spent the rest of the night at the Metro. It was a long unnecessary day of drinking and I really paid the price for it on Sunday. Next weekend I’m going sober Sally.